I hate Metroidvanias

If you’ve read any of my posts on gaming, you’d probably gather that Metroidvanias are, by far, my favorite genre.

Well I’ve changed my mind. I used to chase the thrill of figuring out complicated, overpowered bosses – waiting for them to telegraph what attack they’ll throw at me next. Exploring aimlessly, stumbling upon upgrades that unlock another wing of the map. Grinding. Retracing. Repeating. Starting over. Rage quitting for a few days and coming back with a level head.

When it came to games, I used to live for that. I ignored my Switch for months after I picked up an Anbernic handheld emulator. I played through every Castlevania, starting with the Japanese version of Dracula’s Curse for NES (I’ll never be tough enough to conquer the first two). I played Metroid: Fusion and Zero Mission for GBA, and I went back and tooled around a bit in Super Metroid before ditching it for the infamous Super Junkoid ROM hack.

Between bouts of rage and feeling defeated, I thoroughly enjoyed Blasphemous I & II, The Messenger, Ender Lillies, Nine Sols, Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound and countless other modern day ‘vanias. After a while, they all start to run together. It’s like when you start learning how to code and suddenly video games lose a lot of their magic. You realize it’s just random number generators and hitboxes.

They’re all the same thing with different stories and themes. I’m having an existentoid crisis.

Really, I just burned myself out. They truly are the original, two-dimensional open world experience. I love exploring pixel art worlds that are trying to kill me, but I need a break.

A while back I posted about how I finally broke down and bought Tears of the Kingdom – and fucking hated it. It’s actually, finally, growing on me. After I got over the obnoxious sandbox aspect of it anyway. I still think it’s not unlike turning Need for Speed into a first person shooter, but I can live with it. The rest of the game is totally worth it, and I think it’ll keep me busy for quite a while.

I have a few Metroidvanias on my wishlist, and I’m sure I’ll eventually get back into them. Just not today.