I've heard that a lot. Why would I even come out of the closet when I can pass for a straight guy? Just date girls and spank it to gay porn or something; don't do this shit in public.

I've been in a committed relationship with a woman for the last five years, how can I be gay?

I don't look gay, do I? Oh god, do these pants make me look gay? 🤪

I couldn't even admit to myself I was only a little straight until I was in my 20s. Gay people were those witty, perfectly in-shape, trendy liberals from San Francisco. I'm just some regular Joe from somewhere in the middle of the woods, Ohio.

I'm a man so I have to get dirty, work on cars and drive a truck. My favorite color can be anything but pink or purple. Eh, maybe not yellow either; yellow's probably a little too queer for a man, come to think of it. Orange is fine. That's the color of those high-visibility hunting vests. Hunting is totally hetero and tough.

Why would I come out of the closet if I'm in a solid, long-term relationship with a woman? What's the point?

I don't like gender roles. I don't like playing a character, either.

My girlfriend and I just had a day off together yesterday. We took turns mowing sections of the yard. Then when I finished and went inside, she was getting down and dirty changing out the faucet on the bathroom tub. After that she installed a new electrical outlet by the bathroom sink. I don't know dick about plumbing. Or wiring. Electricity scares me.

I'm the one who takes an hour to get ready before we go out somewhere. She gets dressed in five minutes, puts her hair up and she's ready to go. I spend 20 minutes blow-drying my hair, choosing the right product and making sure my outfit is absolutely perfect. At the last minute, I might change to a different pair of shoes because the Hey Dude's I just had on are clearly the wrong shade of grey to go with these blue-grey slacks.

We're both pansexual and kinda gender neutral. She's a little more masculine, I'm a little more feminine in a lot of ways. I identify as he/they for that reason; I don't like gender roles and I don't have to follow them.

But if I walk up to a conservative Christian who thinks the gays are subhuman and destined to spend an eternity burning in a literal hell, they're clueless. Clearly I'm with a girl and I have a beard; gays don't have beards. They all look like Ryan Seacrest. Every last one of 'em.

They don't even consider bisexuality or pansexuality because those aren't real to them. The world is shaded in the highest contrast black and white; just one version of each. There is absolutely no inbetween; you're either black or white, gay or straight, democrat or republican. You're either a Ford or Chevy guy, but if you are in fact a guy, you damn well better drive a comically oversized truck that gets terrible gas mileage and makes you look like a fucking tool...

Anyone who thinks they're attracted to more than one gender is obviously just confused. That's what my parents always told me, at least.

I went through a big chunk of life thinking I was just a straight guy who didn't like gender roles. Or Gender Laws, really, the way people try to enforce this shit.

I don't let my sexuality define me, but coming out was one of the most important things I've ever done in terms of mental health. Leading up to it, I'm sure there were plenty of hints. In fact I know there were because I remember overhearing adults in my family talk about how I have "gay tendencies," whatever the fuck that means. I sure didn't know what that meant when I was an elementary school kid.

But the older I got, the bi-cycle kept making its rounds and I eventually had to give in. I did some soul searching and after a while I was finally sure a person's gender didn't matter to me. If I'm attracted to someone, I'm attracted to them. I don't choose a partner based on their genitals.

When I finally came out to my mom, she was livid. She said I was just confused. What a relief, right? We got more into it and she ended up kicking me out of the house because it came up that I was an agnostic atheist on top of all the unholy gay stuff.

Luckily I was old enough to get out on my own, so I moved in with an old (straight) buddy and did the room mate thing. After a while, we went out to the bar and I met this guy. I actually met him on Grindr first and we just happened to run into each other that night. My friends all gave me funny looks when they saw good ol' straight Nick holding hands with this tall handsome man. One guy I've known since I was like 15 looked so disgusted I thought he was literally going to throw up when he saw me kiss this guy. He looked like someone just told him there was cyanide in his cocaine. This dude used to talk about eating ass 24/7 but homosexuality is a step too far, I guess.

But anyway that was the first guy I'd ever been openly romantic with and we definitely hooked up that night. My walk of shame the next morning went a lot better than expected. My first gay, public walk of shame. Everyone was surprisingly accepting and supportive. Sadly they never quit cracking homophobic jokes and using slurs after that. None of it was directed at me, but still it's fucking trashy. We don't really talk anymore.

Coming out was such a vital milestone in my life though. I didn't have to pretend I was straight anymore. There is no longer an elephant in the room. If I suspect someone's trying to figure me out or keeps fishing for confirmation that I am indeed straight, I take a lot of pride in making them as uncomfortable as possible and telling them in no uncertain terms what I am.

I refuse to hide parts of me that make me... me just because it makes a bunch of bigots squirm. The closet is too fucking cramped and dark.