When we were in our teen years my cousin and I started writing a bunch of music. He'd been playing guitar since he was like five years old so he was kind of a prodigy at that point. He's one of those people who can hear something and immediately tell you what tuning it's in and then start playing it perfectly.

I started playing bass when I was about 14. My cousin taught me the basics and I took it from there.

Eventually, we started a metal band and I did bass and vocals. It never really went anywhere because we eventually got older, started partying too much and drifted apart.

But for our entire little amateur music career, short-lived as it was, our family wasn't really supportive at all.

His dad, my uncle, had been playing guitar since the 70s. I honestly can't remember a time when he wasn't in a band himself. Only cover bands though. One time we showed him this masterpiece of a song we wrote and recorded together and instead of telling us we did a good job or even that he liked it, he scoffed.

He said something along the lines of, "If you want to be a successful local band, stop trying to write originals. People don't wanna hear that shit. People wanna hear what they're familiar with. Learn The Beatles and Pink Floyd. Play some Tom Petty or Pearl Jam hits. Do covers of what's popular on the Billboard charts and you'll be selling out shows at bars before you know it."

How sad is that? This guy was one of the most talented musicians I'd ever met at that point and all along he'd been wasting it on other people's dreams. I know for a fact he absolutely loved the feel of playing in front of a big crowd. He loved the positive reinforcement of people giving him praise and rocking out to his live music. He was a total rock star at heart.

He was just raised in a bad environment by a widow who lived through the Great Depression, so he was raised to hoard things and never, under any circumstances, take any kind of risk whatsoever. Never make yourself vulnerable. Never let anyone see your real emotions and never think for a second that you can be anything more than a blue collar worker who retires from the company you joined fresh out of high school.

I thought like that for a long time. Then I realized I was an agnostic atheist. Then I realized I was queer. Then I realized I'm a bleeding heart liberal. I realized I had nothing in common with the people who raised me so it's going to be an uphill fight for what I believe in anyway. Why not take some risks? Why not wear your heart on your sleeve and be brave enough to do the things you're passionate about? After all, that's the only real "meaning of live," in my opinion. Don't create and play a phony character just because you think they're better than who you really are.

It's embarrassing to try something and fail but it's a lot more embarrassing to be an anchorless boat abandoned in some backyard.

Related: I like this Propagandhi song a lot. I think it vibes with this post and I borrowed that last line from it <3