So a couple weeks ago I decided to get rid of social media. I deleted my Mastodon account permanently but only deactivated Bluesky. I couldn’t help myself. I logged back on the next day. I do like it there. It feels less radical than Mastodon and more like how old Twitter felt way back in the day.

Empty. There’s a lot of good posts there, but I always fall into the narcissistic trap of pursuing as many likes and reposts as possible. Which is fine, I mean that’s what everyone’s doing on social media anyway. But that’s the thing I was trying to get away from. I want to be less dependent on my phone.

As a former addict, I’m not comparing social media addiction to real addiction. Sure there are some little parallels; there is with anything you do compulsively. But I’ve never stayed up for three days and quit my job just to spend a little more time scrolling Bluesky. I could spend 15 hours a day on social media without losing my house or so much as getting the shakes.

I was just confused for a minute there. Not like when I came out of the closet and my mom told me I was confused, but actually confused. I didn’t know what I wanted to do in the way of my online presence. I knew I wanted to keep Micro.blog as my main hub, even if it does feel like a ghost town sometimes. I like the way it works. I like the lack of dopamine farming buttons and the almost infinite customizability. There’s a lot less engagement here, but at least it’s authentic.

On other platforms it feels like hanging out with the popular kids. I pay closer attention to what I say. I wouldn’t want to say something cringe or disagreeable and lose followers. I wouldn’t even post a funny or interesting picture I saw somewhere else unless it fit into some kind of meme niche. I feel dumb acting like that but I fall into that same trap every time. I’m a sucker for instant gratification. I like to be liked.

Honestly I don’t think I’m even doing this for my mental health. Maybe I’m doing it for even worse reasons. Like maybe I’m just such a hipster I only use small batch, micro-brewed social media. I don’t know. I am going to try and keep Bluesky deactivated and see how far I can make it only blogging though. Read more valuable content and less short form shitposts. Write more readable content and less silly little posts trying too hard to be funny.