I’m just getting over a bad case of COVID, so that means back to work. It’s pretty sad to admit, but even with how shitty I’ve felt for the last 10 days, it was nice forgetting about the daily grind. I slept as much as I could every day, I caught up on a lot of good television and I finally got to spend some much needed quality time with my partner.

We both work too much. She’s salary, so she doesn’t necessarily need to put in any overtime, but with a salary role comes more responsibility. So she definitely puts in plenty of overtime for the same amount of pay. I work retail and most of my pay is commission, but I typically squeeze in as much overtime as I can so my small hourly rate stacks up a little better and I have more opportunity to make sales.

On top of that, I work 10 hour shifts an hour away from home. So I’m gone for 12+ hours a day. That gets old real quick, but I honestly have absolutely no idea how to make as much money as I am right now for as little effort as my retail sales job requires. It’s a slippery slope. On one hand, we wouldn’t have been able to get out of our old run down apartment in the hood and into this nice house in the ‘burbs otherwise, but on the other hand I never have the time to enjoy it.

As someone who grew up dirt poor, I hate when people tell me money isn’t everything. I hate money, but I appreciate the freedom it can buy. When you’re dead broke and someone tells you not to stress about it, you feel like you could spontaneously combust. It’s easy to say “money isn’t everything” when you have a lot of it. Not so much when you’re trying to figure out how to replace the bald tires on your car, pay the $350 electric bill and your half of the rent next week with $200 in your bank account.

At the same time, maybe if I was closer to home so I’m not spending $70 on gas every week and blowing money on a gross last minute convenience store breakfast most days, I could take a pay cut and be okay.

I don’t know. I don’t have it figured out yet but this week off really made me reevaluate what I’m doing with my life. When I was a factory worker fresh out of high school, I knew I had to do something better. I wanted more out of life. I still do, but maybe I was overcompensating years later when I made the move to sales. I love people but I hate taking their money. I love the city but I don’t like driving an hour just to work there every single day.

I think I feel a career shift coming some time in the next year. I need to thrive but part of that includes having a relationship with my partner and even our cats and dog. I don’t want to waste my entire life in the backroom of a store 50 miles from home.