I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get on the right medications to bring my anxiety levels from a blood curdling scream to a dull whimper. I think I’ve got it mostly squared away at this point in my life.

The circular thinking and stressing over things I shouldn’t care about are pretty much gone, but then there’s the issue of actual anxiety. The kind you’re supposed to feel when something’s wrong - like when you’re in physical danger or when you fuck something up so bad you know the only option is to stand up and face the music.

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to numb this stuff that it’s kind of a shocker when there’s actually something to stress about. I hate it so much my first instinct is always to do whatever I can to shut it down. That usually means drinking too much and breathing in more nicotine than oxygen for a night or two. I gotta work on that.

It’s bittersweet though. The sweet part is that I realize why I have anxiety and I’ve finally come to terms with it, and I’ve been prescribed the right medications to keep it in check. The bitter part is realizing anxiety and fear are normal, essential parts of being alive. You wouldn’t really be living if you didn’t feel that way sometimes.